Too Much Spew
by ArriettyBlack
Summary: Harry, Ron and Hermione start their 6th year at Hogwarts to see a change that upsets Hermione. More and more House elfs are being employed at Hogwarts. Hermione, to Harry and Ron's dissappointment decides she needs to take spew too a new level. Please R/R
1. Chapter 1 House Elf Express

Ok first off all I don't own these characters, etc, etc, you know the deal by now....  
  
Anyway this is my 1st fan fic, so please be kind! lol! I'd love reviews, and umm enjoy.  
  
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Chapter 1- House Elf Express  
  
"Harry come on we have to go now! Mum's frantic, she says we're definitely gonna miss the train!"   
  
Harry grabbed Hedwig's cage and ran out of Ron's bedroom, down the many flights of stairs and into the Kitchen of the Borrow.   
  
"Oh good Harry dear, now come on all of you, we need to leave now!"  
  
Harry, Ron and Hermione ran outside and into Mr.Wealsey's new car. They were sitting in the back seat with Ginny, Fred, George and Bill.   
  
"Everyone here? Ok, good let's go!" said Mr. Weasley as Mrs. Weasley hopped into the front seat  
  
"It's going to be very weird not being at Hogwarts this year" sighed George  
  
"Yeah I know, the common room will probably be quiet" said Harry laughing  
  
"You guys need to play practical jokes, if Filch isn't annoyed too much this year I don't know what I'll do!" said Fred grinning  
  
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At 10:45 they arrived at Kings Cross Station. Mr. Weasley, Bill, Fred and George carried the four Hogwarts trunks as they made their way through the station.   
  
"We'll go first with the trunks, then Hermione, Ginny and Molly, then you two come" Mr. Weasley said to Harry and Ron.   
  
After Harry and Ron arrived on the platform they pulled their trunks onto the train and stored them into a compartment with Hermione's and Ginny's and then hopped back onto the platform to say good-bye quickly.  
  
"Be good this year, keep in touch, if you forgot anything we will send it. And study for your O.W.L's ginny!" said Mrs. Weasley as she hugged them all good-bye  
  
The four of them made their way back onto the train, but as Harry and Ginny were about to board Fred and George stopped them.   
  
"Here" said Fred thrusting 3 boxes into Harry's hand and 1 into Ginny's. "It's a sample box of all our latest stuff."  
  
"Ok, do you want us to sell it for you or something?" asked Harry awkwardly  
  
"Nah, use it, especially on Filch" Smirked George  
  
"Harry those three boxes are for -"  
  
"Me Ron and Hermione" Harry said cutting Fred off  
  
"No, 1 is for you, 1 is for Ron and the other is for Peeves. I don't want to waste Valuable goods on Hermione."  
  
"Yeah she'll just give hers to house elves telling them to use it against their masters" said George laughing  
  
"And Ginny that 1 is of course for you" finished Fred  
  
The whistle to the train blew.  
  
"Ok thanks! Bye" said Ginny as she and Harry Ran onto the train.   
  
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"What was the about?" asked Ron as Harry sat down beside them   
  
"Oh just a box of jokes from Fred and George" Harry said handing Ron his box  
  
Just then the door was pulled open   
  
"Hi Guys, mind if I sit with you?"  
  
"Sure Neville" said ginny gesturing him in  
  
"Thanks" said Neville as he took a seat  
  
"Had a good summer Neville?" asked Ron   
  
"Yeah it was all right I suppose, you?"   
  
"Not too bad" said Ron and the door opened again  
  
"Oh hello, may I join you?"  
  
"Sure Luna" said Ginny   
  
Luna said nothing else, she opened her trunk, pulled out an issue of the quibbler and started to read it upside as usual.   
  
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At noon the door opened once more for the food cart, but when Harry looked up it wasn't the plump witch pushing it, it was a house elf.  
  
"Lucky Hermione is in the bathroom" said Ron laughing  
  
"Would sirs and misses like anything off the trolley?" asked the elf in a high pitched voice  
  
"Yes, Um we'll take the lot" said Harry and he went to pay the elf  
  
"No mister it is free" and the elf closed the door and continued down the train  
  
"Awesome!" said Ron "Mind you Hermione is going to have a field day when she finds out"  
  
They all laughed and started to eat as Hermione came back.   
  
"Oh good, food, I'm starving" she said taking her seat again  
  
"You know I wonder why the fat witch wasn't pushing the cart..." said Ginny as she tore open a chocolate frog.   
  
"Maybe they replaced her, you know I did find it odd, that's the sixth elf I've seen on the train today" said Neville  
  
"Sixth -WHAT?!?" said Hermione spitting out her Pumpkin juice  
  
"House elf" said Neville simply  
  
"Are you kidding me-they, they have house elves on the train now?!? They have employed more!! No! No! No! I can't eat this food, i'm going to talk to the captain" she said as she threw down her food and marched out of the compartment  
  
"Oh no, she's gonna be on a war path out spew, now, you just wait and see" sighed Ron as he ate a Chocolate Frog.  
  
And he was quiet right, Hermione came back ten minutes later fuming.   
  
"Oh I don't believe this!!!!!!!"  
  
"What?"  
  
"The captain is a house elf too!!!!"  
  
Ron burst out laughing  
  
"It's NOT funny Ron!!! Honestly it's people like you!!! You just wait and see what I have planned! Oh I will free those poor house elves if it's the last thing I do!"  
  
"Oh no! Are you gonna attack them and force hats onto their heads?"  
  
Hermione gave Ron a very dirty look and didn't talk to anybody for the rest of the ride. 


	2. Chapter 2 Do they have anger management ...

Ok here is my lil disclaimer. If you are a fan of any house besides Slytherin, especially Hufflepuff, don't get offend at the sorting hat song. Also, sorry about the cursing, but the song needed it. Anyway you'll see, please review!  
  
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Chapter 2- Do they have anger management for hats?  
  
Harry, Ron and Hermione got off the train just as it started to rain. Hermione kept throwing Ron nasty looks every time he looked her way.   
  
"First Years! Would all of the first years please make their way over to Bubbles so Bubbles can take you across the lake"  
  
"WHAT?!?" screamed Hermione  
  
Harry, Ron and Hermione all turned around to see not Hagrid but a house elf taking the first years across the lake.   
  
"Where is Hagrid"  
  
"I dunno"  
  
"Why another house elf! This is horrible!!!"  
  
"Yes horrible, blah blah blah, come on Hermione we're not going to get a carriage"!  
  
"Ron I'm starting to wonder why you even joined S.P.E.W"  
  
"Maybe it's because-"  
  
"Are you guys coming or not?" said Harry as he jumped into the last carriage left  
  
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Five minutes later they got out of the carriage and walked into the castle.   
  
"I'm soaking wet!" said Ron "Grr I hate rain!"  
  
"Would mister like Pinky to dry him off sir?"  
  
"What?"  
  
Harry nudged Ron in the ribs and pointed down. Another house elf wearing a pink skirt and a black shirt was stand beside Ron with a towel.  
  
"Erm...no..a ..no thanks"  
  
"Are you sure mister? Pinky doesn't want him to stay wet"  
  
"No really I'm er- fine thanks"  
  
"If your sure" said Pinky as she walked away  
  
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Harry, Ron and Hermione arrived at the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall to see their fellow Gryffindors talking about the sudden outburst of house elves.  
  
"Yeah, it's weird but I reckon they will be useful"  
  
"Oooh! Maybe they can do my homework!"  
  
"Do you think they can braid hair"  
  
As they sat down Hermione shot nasty looks to everybody who seemed excited about this.   
  
"Hey Harry, Ron, Hermione"  
  
"Hi Dean. Have a good summer?"  
  
"Not too bad you?"  
  
"It was all right" said Harry honestly  
  
Just then Professor McGonagall entered the hall followed by the first years. But she was just leading them, she wasn't holding the stool, Dobby was.   
  
"Look Harry, it's Dobby!" said Ron  
  
"I know, this is very odd"  
  
Harry was about to ask Hermione what she thought when he realized the sorting hat had already started it's song.  
  
"Come and try me on you lil shit  
  
Once I put u in a house, haha thats it!  
  
I decide to which house you belong  
  
I'll laugh as your're miserable all year long!  
  
If you think your a 'super hero'  
  
but your friend count is almost zero  
  
U sometimes win fights with a lot of luck  
  
When I tell u you're in Gryffindor, you're u'll say F--K!!!  
  
If you like to study   
  
And you blood isn't muddy  
  
Ravenclaw house you'll enjoy, I swear  
  
If you don't you better say a goddamn prayer  
  
If u r a goddamn f--king dumbass half hoe lil piece of goddamn shit ass mother f--king loser who needs to a get goddamn life and stop being so f--king happy you goddamn idiot----sorry I got a little carried away....  
  
So if you are nice  
  
And would be friend some mice  
  
You cab be in Hufflepuff  
  
And buy a doggy that says ruff!  
  
If your are 1 whom Salazar would fave  
  
You get to be in the house w/ hot Draco the babe  
  
In Slytherin, you'll know how to smuggle  
  
And you'll also learn how 2 hate and kill a muggle!  
  
So there we have it, I am done   
  
I hope you blind you little eyes while looking in the sun  
  
So till next year when I sort some more  
  
Please go buy me a lil hat whore!"  
  
Everybody in the hall stared at the hat until they remembered they were supposed to be clapping.   
  
"I think the hat is a little, erm angry this year, don't you think?" said Ron as he forced himself to clap  
  
"Just a bit" said Harry  
  
"Do you think they have anger management for hats?" said Ron laughing"  
  
"Probably not" said Harry with a slight laugh "I reckon he's mad a Dumbledore, I mean why else would be saying all those mean thinks about Gryffindor?"  
  
"Oh I know why" said Nearly Headless Nick as he sat down across from them  
  
"Why Nick"  
  
But before Nick could answer Professor McGonagall was started the sorting  
  
"I'll tell you when the sorting is done" whispered Nick as "Brock,Lorena" was sorted in Hufflepuff  
  
Harry kept looking at the line of first years, hoping for the line to get smaller and smaller. Finally there were only five left.  
  
"Phoenix, Jason"  
  
"GRYFFINDOR!"  
  
Harry clapped along with the whole Gryffindor table  
  
"Sparrow, Stacey"  
  
"SLYTHERIN!"  
  
"Turner, Gabrielle"  
  
"GRYFFINDOR!"  
  
Once more Harry clapped along with the rest of the Gryffindors, hoping that the sorting would end already.   
  
"Volkmann, Melissa"  
  
"RAVENCLAW!"  
  
Finally Professor McGonagall called "Watson, Lauren"  
  
Harry looked up to see a girl with dark red hair approaching the sorting hat, not looking nervous at all. Just as he was thinking she'd be a Gryffindor the hat shouted "SLYTHERIN!" and Harry saw her run over to the Slytherin table and sit down next to Malfoy.   
  
"So Nick, will you tell us now?" asked Ron  
  
"Oh yes. Dumbledore wanted to have-" but he broke off as Dumbledore stood up.   
  
"I have many thinks that I would like to say, but I am too hungry to talk now. Tuck In."  
  
"Here Here!" said Seamus and Dean  
  
"So where was I? Ah yes. Professor Dumbledore asked for a House Elf to come and take the hat out of his office because the Ord- well you know what, was having a secret meeting there. But of course the hat wasn't happy about that. So ever since the meeting the hat has been in a foul mood to Dumbledore." finished Nick  
  
"Nick" said Hermione unexpectedly  
  
"Yes Miss Granger?"  
  
"Why are there tons of house elves all of the sudden? How come Hagrid didn't take the first years across the lake"  
  
"I believe the Professors thought the school needed more help"  
  
"What! Why?"  
  
"I do not know" said Nick who seemed oddly amused at Hermione's interest in house elves "You'll have to find out for yourself"  
  
About an hour later the food cleared and the hall grew silent as Dumbledore rose to make his speech  
  
"Hello and welcome to another wonderful year at Hogwarts! I am sure the older students may have noticed a few changes. I am of course talking about the house elves"  
  
Dumbledore's eyes lingered on Hermione for a moment as Ron and Harry exchanged glances trying to not laugh.   
  
"I ask that you treat them all with kindness and respect.."  
  
Hermione smiled.  
  
"..and if you need anything they will be happy to get it for you."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Oh come off it Hermione, that's what they are for!"  
  
"Ron I can't believe you! I need to speak to Professor Dumbledore this is outrageous!"  
  
Hermione kept talking until they Dumbledore finished talking and dismissed everybody.   
  
"I'll see you later" she said as she marched up to the staff table  
  
"I think she has officially lost it" said Ron rolling his eyes "Come on, let's go" 


End file.
